Bella EGO

While other Spiritual Teachers continue on the path of shedding their egos, in order to be “truly spiritual”, I flounder about trying to attach myself to any memories of who I am, so that I might stay alive with a purpose.

It’s like being sucked into a whirlpool, losing every drop of individuality on this repeated and failed trip, to Oneness.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all peace, love, and oneness. I am. I also see no benefit in telling someone nothing about them truly belongs to them. None of their accomplishments matter, none of their beliefs have any truth, and nothing about them is truly special enough to brag about, because in the end we are neither above nor below anyone.

There are always two sides to a coin, ask me about any guy I’ve loved: Enlightened Buddha’s on one side, psychopaths on the other. (What does that say about me?)

And so it is with the human ego.

A soldier enters the army, wearing a gun and pride in serving his Country. He is humbled by death, by the power of his leaders, and ultimately by realizing that war is always catastrophic in the end, and everybody dies a certain kind of death in combat. However, what propelled him to serve his Country in the first place? Was it love of the land? Of the people? Probably, to a degree. It’s not hard to see that having the Ego that one is a soldier designed for combat, to achieve, to rise above and serve a higher purpose might keep this man alive while facing the worst evil known to mankind.

Confidence is EGO! If we are always supposed to be so humble, what is the point of being human? I think being humble in certain places and certain times is necessary, bow before a Master type of thing. But why be humble about things that are truly unique and amazing about yourself? Why pretend to be Vanilla when you are fucking Rocky Road?

I have hated the experience of shedding my ego. I have grieved the loss of myself over and over again, and it has kept me stuck at certain points in time. Where there is no sense of self, of your own winning individuality, there is apathy. There is no reason to go on, to live, to thrive, because as much as it matters, you now know that none of it actually even exists, therefore DOES NOT matter!

Feed the homeless, don’t feed the homeless. It’s all an illusion. Why play the game if you’re not going to actually invest yourself emotionally into PLAYING THE GAME? What sense does that make, I ask of you other Spiritual Teachers. If Oneness is the true goal, why do we begin there? What is the goal if it isn’t fading into a mass see of energy that is basically like being dead while being alive?

You SHOULD have an Ego, about some things. Those human accomplishments matter to YOU. You have every right to cling to the experience of being fully human, to lust, to cry, to hate even. It is not a role you are playing, for you are a beautiful fragment of something much bigger than you.

Humble yourself for nobody but humanity, and remain flesh and blood. We don’t need people who are ABOVE life, above suffering, above greed, above the evils of the world. We need ANGRY PEOPLE, compassionate people, people who do believe what they see in the mirror: I am here, I am human, and I serve a higher purpose while wearing my identity as Alisha Archuleta.

In this lifetime.



At Ease, Soldier

I’m remembering a past life I actually forgot to write about when I wrote about my past life memories a couple of weeks ago. This life was lived out as a soldier.

I feel like this life was lived in Germany, possibly during the time of Hitler’s reign, or a little before or after. I wasn’t given those details. I was actually told about the past life in reference to my friendship with someone who is a friend in this life as well. It was an answer to the bond I feel between us, of love and unconditional immunity in this life. The funny thing is we don’t hang out or talk in person in the third dimensional reality (though we have), but I feel very connected to her. I believe she’s been one of my main guides in the dimension where human souls dwell when they are evolved enough to be leisurely energy in other realms. The fifth dimension.

I was a white man,  fair skinned and blonde. I was probably handsome, in my early thirties, and married with a child at home. This friend was a woman who was basically a sex slave, and held captive in terrible conditions. I was under strict surveillance. Anything I did that wasn’t in alignment with the bosses orders (Nazi orders, perhaps), could have meant brutal torture or instant death for myself and my family.

I forged a deep and sincere bond with this woman, as she helped heal me in ways that I’d never knew possible. I suppose a part of me was in love with her, but I never crossed any boundaries a married man and father, shouldn’t cross.

I wasn’t a part of the horrible things that went on in the building, though I sensed they were atrocious on many levels. I felt as if my hands were tied, if I wanted my life and my wife and child’s lives to be kept alive. I do recall knowing about the sex and the abortions that were performed on women without anything to numb the pain, if they became pregnant. This was my breaking point.

I took this friend, who was a severely abused woman in that prison camp of sorts, aside. I told her I was going to allow her to run, no matter what that meant for me. She had become my main love, and I wasn’t going to continue to dedicate my life to something I had never intended on being a part of. She thanked me, and left. It broke my heart to see her go, to know she had been so hurt and I hadn’t been able to protect her.

She went on to live a fulfilling life, despite all of that. I’m not sure what became of my life as a soldier, but in this life she’s thanked me by being the same kind of friend I was to her in that lifetime: Unconditional and therapeutic.


The Power of Play

I wonder how long this feeling will last? Forever would be too short. I suck the nectar out of life, every drop attempting to quench the unquenchable. My life is going forward, never backwards.

I spent two glorious, moody weather filled, days in the desert. Green River is a small town located 182.3 miles south of my home town. That’s like a three hour drive, and beauty jumps out from the land at every turn along the way.

Who knew this girl was a traveler and a camper? A few years ago I was nowhere near being as found as I feel I am today. This person changes so much over the course of time, she often becomes unrecognizable to me.

The people in Green River are small town folk surrounded by picturesque views. They are kind and more than willing to share their treasure with anybody driving through. Mountain bikes hang on racks on the back of trucks, while people stop in the local shack like bar for a drink on a boys weekend getaway.

I love being surrounded by the land, and by people who are authentically alive. I feel like there is a certain type of person who is drawn to the great outdoors and athletic pursuits. I’ve never been one to play sports, but I’ve grown to love watching them. My boys are mountain bikers in the making, especially my oldest son.

Most athletes have an Orange Aura. They aren’t the kind to talk about their feelings, or really act as if they are spiritual, because they are physical people. They find their spirituality in riding, hiking, shooting guns in the desert.

I was pretty much ready to crack before we left for our trip. It was like asking me to clean one more dish, or fold one more piece of laundry, was going to push me over the edge. Real life is anything but glamorous! I couldn’t wait to get on the road, to see the earth moving as we drove past, to snap pictures of all the things that nature makes that touch my heart, and leaves me in awe of this great magnitude of beauty in a world untainted by popularity contests.

Unlike people, the land is filled with nothing but love. I can feel it’s love for me. It’s like babies and animals, if they aren’t being abused. These things have no judgement of who you are, what you do for a living, and what you feel on the inside. I didn’t pick up any “this is sacred” land vibes, nor did any none living entities find their way to my light. What I did feel is grace and dignity in mountains and desert grown flowers and cactus.

I shot a 9mm handgun for the first time, one bullet right after the other. I think I was channeling my Inner Badass. I love holding something so powerful it can kill you, in my hands, and trusting that whatever happens is for the best. I can’t claim to be any great shot yet, my name is not Dead Shot, but I wasn’t going to let the opportunity to hold a real weapon in my hands slip by.

If you slow down the moment, you can feel the heaviness of the gun in your hands. It’s heavier than you think. And you can sense yourself moving in slow motion, but it’s a new experience, so everything seems to be going so fast. As you squeeze the trigger, the sheer velocity of the weapon is unleashed. The earmuffs muffle the sound, but your heart is directly aligned with each bullet. The way that bullet feels whizzing out of the barrel is sort of indescribable.

I suppose the real feeling I’m trying to describe, is fearlessness.

I’m a Violet, Indigo, Crystal Aura, so I spend a lot of time thinking, analyzing, daydreaming, and writing about my innermost thoughts. I love coming into alignment temporarily with others who are nothing like me. I used to fear it, as someone like me (Anxious Attachment Style) is always searching for deep and authentic connection, but that contrast is much needed. I guess that’s why they say “opposites attract”.

The power of play is underrated. I play all day, every chance I get, even if it’s at home cleaning. Life isn’t waiting for you to start living it, it is passing you by while you pretend to live it. 

In contrast, coming from the well of deep inner wisdom that is mine as an ancient violet/Indigo/Crystal aura, I was using a fake orange vibration to write the first part of this blog entry: When I hold a gun in my hands, I wonder how J. pulled the trigger. I wonder what his last thoughts were, and if he would always remember me as a friend. I wonder how he left it all behind, his girls, the future, what could be … Any chance of finding that which would bring him joy, and give his life the meaning he craved.

I think the greatest glory of all time will be ending up old, wrinkled, and full of stories about my normal, everyday, adventures.

My advice to suicidal people, having spent a lot of time there, isn’t just to play, but to play in new ways, or ways that YOU don’t normally play. Orange aura’s could benefit from facing themselves spiritually, rather than ONLY chasing themselves via extreme living. The same way I benefit from my willingness to connect to aura’s that challenge me to get out of my comfort zone.

Never underestimate the power of jumping out of your comfort zone, by playing with what is right in front of you. Even if it scares the shit out of you.


Creating Connections

I’m about to leave you all in the dark for four days, traveling south for a little camping trip with the boys.

Creating Connections is a MONSTER! I feel like it will quickly go from being my idea, to being handled by someone more in alignment with it’s purpose. This is the place to go to find out how to create a non-profit, for example. Have you ever had a dream so big, it felt impossible? That’s usually because you don’t know the first thing about how to get from point A to point Z. Creating Connections will be your mentor every step of the process, from shaky beginning to thriving end.

Bella Life is more about providing instant relief to those suffering, even people in near constant emotional distress. I initially supposed that Bella Bakery would at least have to make a profit in order to fund my other ideas. The exact opposite is actually true, I’m told. Bella Bakery, also includes relief for those suffering from long term or terminal illness, by providing beautiful cupcakes made with a special ingredient or two: Love and medical marijuana. That’s right, I hope to grow weed for a living.

I have recently learned the most valuable lesson someone risking everything needs to learn in order to ever thrive. Trust.

I hope your weekend is profitable, leisurely, and warm.



The Poverty Thread

I had a breakthrough today, involving a past life memory surfacing. I have recently revealed my plans to one day serve the poor in Africa. I’ve always talked about “holding babies in Africa”, not knowing exactly what that meant until later on in life. Like, there’s a title for that?!

During a conversation about past lives, an image of a little African boy appeared in my minds eye. I mistook this child for someone else at first, before realizing in utter disbelief that I was seeing myself in the body of a little boy in Africa in a past life. I had lived that entire lifetime (all five years) knowing the pain of hunger every day of my life. Until one day, my tiny frail body collapsed due to malnutrition.

After sharing this with some friends, one of them asked me how I relate to my body in this lifetime, as past life memories never really leave us. This single question triggered a release of tension in my physical and emotional body, as I understood how connected my life as that little boy is to me in this current life, as a woman in America.

The emotional body (a brief explanation) is where every single cell memory you have ever made is stored. I tap into this frequently in order to heal, and I feel like tapping into this life as a starving child was important in the way that it detailed for me an account of my “poverty thread”.

I’ve literally lived another life where I’ve actually starved to death, like the children I wish to grace my presence with someday, God granted, of course.

The part that really makes sense and brings a sense of clarity to my entire personality is that not only have I starved to death in a physical life, in this particular life I’ve compared my spiritual journey to “starving to death emotionally.” There’s a reason I choose to find a way to eternally refill my cup, I’m always thirsty for more! This goes beyond mere curiosity about what lies around the corner, it’s literally the way I’ve survived my entire life.

Poverty thread runs deep!

I chose to walk a spiritual path because I’m hungry. If a soul craves food, it’ll find a way to eat. You can’t eat a junk food diet of shallow intention and expect to survive a life like the one I’ve lived. I’m of no more value to the rich and powerful in America than that little boy felt he was to parents who were burdened by his life, because they couldn’t feed him.

I compare my metaphor, “emotional starvation”, to a scene in one of The Pirates Of The Carribean” movies. The entire crew was cursed to an eternal life of hunger, while being given no real way to end that hunger. They eat, but the food doesn’t nourish them, and the wine doesn’t quench their thirst. It goes right through them.

This is why many, many, many, people choose a spiritual path. We are searching for ways to end our pain, and hoping that our travels ultimately lead us to happiness.

In this physical life I’ve often felt burdened by my human body. Simple things like having to stop whatever I’m doing to eat can be irritating. I don’t connect to my body as much as some people do. I spend a lot of time in other dimensions, where I feel more at home, and safe.  I also, have a lot of compassion for the poor.

I’ve also managed to create poverty and hardship for myself in this lifetime, as my cellular memories have never faded.

Once a thread begins, it must unravel too.

I feel relief today after connecting to this memory. My emotional poverty makes more sense. My desire to help people, particularly in Africa, adds up (not that it needed to to a compassionate heart.)

In my minds eye, I am taking this child who was me, holding him in my arms as he leaves this world, and reassuring him that he was never a burden. He breathed his last breath, not angry, but saddened by a world who couldn’t (or wouldn’t) feed him.


The Divine Masculine

The most sought after man on the planet will one day be The Divine Masculine: An Awakened man with high moral fiber. If it isn’t already. All I speak to are women who are tired of being hurt, of being insulted, of being treated less than a man because her gender is female. Any women still supporting the archaic ideals of the past are clearly women, in my humble opinion, who haven’t really fallen in love with their own Divine Feminine yet.

I grew up being called names like “bitch, slut, cunt”, because I’m female. I grew up being shamed for owning my sexuality, by men who are offended by their equal. And women who are also ashamed of themselves, and can’t energetically lend their support to their sisters.

I grew up hearing one type of woman being raved about, as if the genes she was born with made her worthy of a man’s lust. And that was supposed to mean something? The polar opposite was hearing the insults about women who weren’t obvious beauties in the eyes of men who were raised to value nothing more than the shell of who a woman is, and call that being a man.

It is no wonder I’m angry and disgusted by the way I’ve been treated as a woman in this lifetime. My friend sent me a link to a website called the Good Men Project. I think it’s a start and a foot put in the right direction, but my generation of men leaves me cold. I literally am not turned on by the lack of moral fiber in this generation of grown up boys. Boys who ruin relationships because they chase an ideal, that frankly doesn’t exist anywhere but in a magazine.

I’ve had married men hit on me, men with girlfriends insinuate that they would trade the one they currently brag about on social media, in for a date with me. This isn’t personal, this is the burden the unawakened men bare. They are as confused about what makes them lovable as women are.

A real man … the words used to insult me, as I’m raising boys to be men. And I don’t wish for them to be categorized and stigmatized for being male, anymore than I’ve enjoyed my journey as a woman for that reason.

What is a real man?

He isn’t someone who is threatened by a female in her full scope of femininity. In fact, he kind of appreciates that which he does not possess, and therefore will never fully understand.

He doesn’t immediately objectify women as sexual objects, because even though he may be very attracted to her, he wants to know who he’s sleeping with before he proves his manhood by “conquering” her. You know, like she’s property of some kind.

He is in strong defense of women’s rights, because … you know, she’s a human being too. And her rights are his rights. There is no petty difference between her worth, and his own.  I feel a lot of men have daughters before they realize this, but it’s time to change that in my opinion.

He doesn’t pick his partners based on appearance alone. That is saying a lot more about his own sense of self worth, than it is about her. He’s figured out that there’s always another pretty body and face just around the corner, and he’s had enough of beauty ideals being shoved down  his own throat. Like, he’ll define what he likes, all on his own. His mind is fully capable of understanding the difference between what he’s being asked to like and support (eating disorders, plastic surgery, keeping women in the 1900’s) and what he ACTUALLY likes. He has no shame in breaking the rules by pursuing that which isn’t considered ideal, because to him a woman’s beauty only grows with inner beauty. In other words, he’s removed the blindfold and operates as a bright and unique individual capable of making his own assumptions about right and wrong, beautiful or not beautiful. Like a real PERSON.

If faced with something hard, he doesn’t run. He uses the opportunity to grow, to evolve, perhaps to fix what he did wrong in the past.

He cares about people other than himself, and other than a romantic partner. He is in fact, probably a volunteer of some kind, or an entrepreneur in the healing field. His energy is contagious and predominantly healing for all who come into alignment with it. Including … WOMEN!

He knows his worth, but would never put himself above anybody, especially someone he’s been intimate with. His ego simply couldn’t fathom actually believing he’s better than anybody else.

When I speak of the Divine Masculine, few men come into mind as we currently stand. And that to me, is part of the biggest problem we are facing currently. All we have to do is look at whom was elected President. A racist, homophobic, woman hating man is running the United States of America. I am absolutely insulted by this. I want to defend the unawakened, for they are asleep.

It is a path of learning to love ourselves as we are, that we are on. Making a few changes never hurt, of course. I’m never saying “remain stagnant” when I say “love yourself”. Sometimes that does require actual change. You can’t love what you don’t actually love, but you can journey into what might cause you to feel more compassion for yourself. It is self love that will lead us out of the catastrophy. And only self love.

To heal the mirrors in front of us, we must heal the reflection behind the mirror first. One step into the unknown, a shedding of the skin of the past, or many as we go.

Ask yourself with every action you take, or don’t take, “Do I love myself if I’m treating my mirror this way?” If that’s not enough motivation, ask yourself how well you sleep at night operating the way you currently do. You can’t escape yourself, try, try, try, as you might.

In the words of Justin Beiber “you should go and love yourself”.



I once prided myself on being a “Rebel”, but now all I want is NOT to feel that bit of guilt that always accompanies “doing something wrong”. Or out of the ordinary for my sex, age bracket, or mom status. Especially my mom status.

I often second guess myself, and sometimes I actually am shocked by my own antics once all is said and done. “Did I really say/do/write that?!” I know there is  a certain way to behave in public, but that’s the thing … THERE ARE AN AWFUL LOT OF RULES IN LIFE!!

I argue with myself a lot on most subjects under the sun. I can’t help but laugh at the fact that I relate more to a 21 year old Britney Spear’s song lyrics than I probably should at my age, even though we’re actually only a year apart in age. It’s sort of embarrassing to be coming out of my shell at the age of thirty three! I keep thinking, “shouldn’t I have done this in my twenties?” I was in fact, too busy nursing babies, and giving my boys all of the experiences I probably craved in my own youth.

I wouldn’t change that, but it’s a little awkward to be embracing my full power as a woman as a mother, and later on in life, when I “should know better.”

I know what song this is, “I’m not a girl! All I need is time, a moment that is mine …”

It’s like one is supposed to cancel out the other, in order for me to be good at either. If I’m to be considered a great mother, I really should stop posting near nude photos of my mom body on Instagram. And if I’m to be a sexual being, I should lose ten more pounds and get a boob job. If at all possible, I should decrease my age by ten years as well.

Honestly, I don’t know how to not feel guilty about being a mom and also wanting to be Alisha. Our society would tell me, “pick one”. I’d always pick motherhood. I have more often than not. It is my highest calling!

But what about Alisha?

What about her feelings? Her needs? Her wants? Her dreams? Her desires? Her fears? Her pains? Her plans? Her hopes?

A lot of people would argue that once you’ve had children it isn’t about you anymore. They are right, but in a world where people actually love themselves, wouldn’t there be time for both? And don’t people thrive when they love themselves? Aren’t happy women, the best mothers?

I think parenting is one of the hardest things we ever do with our lives. And we all agree that it’s also the most rewarding.

The worst that can come of loving yourself and placing value upon your own life as a person too, is that it would teach your children real respect for the parents they sometimes are guilty of thinking revolve around them. If we want to know how we created the last generation of entitled people the world is still moaning about, I just wrote it. We took our own value as full fledged human beings away and placed ourselves at the feet of our own children!

In the words of Britney, “I’m a slave for you …”

If I want to teach my sons to be strong men who love themselves, I must be the woman I fear the most: Me, unedited, imperfect, and a little bit selfish.


Soul Mates And Twin Flames

I I haven’t been able to successfully finish an entire book since the year 2012. That is the year the energy increased on the planet, and in my own life. I no longer feel pulled to do anything, including reading, that has no significant value to me, and maybe even the world at large. It’s like I can’t function on normal human autopilot anymore. It’s been kind of frustrating honestly, but only because my path hasn’t materialized enough to give me reason to believe I’m standing on solid ground.

I recently picked up a couple of books from the Twilight series, New Moon and Eclipse. I own the movie series, and have seen Twilight so many times I feel I can skip it and still enjoy starting off my spring/summer reading list on book two. One chapter down … wish me luck!! I used to be an avid reader, before my Awakening. Now I hope I can read one book from front to back.

I love the Twilight series, though I’ve from the beginning I’ve always been a bit old for them. I was already a mother of two young children by the time they were published. Still, there’s something so magical about the world Stephanie Meyer’s created, and a non-typical romance between a mortal and a glistening vampire.

I have come to despise what the human ego calls love. From my often higher perspective I see nothing more than hurt and a lack of love, in most relationships. I hate that we are so willing to settle for something that should be, used to be, about legitimate romance and mutual attraction on a soul level. People used to write love letters, love songs, hold hands, look into one another’s eyes beneath a night full of stars. I am insulted by the fact that most adult relationships begin with sex. And then hopefully lead to real love. In the words of Cher from Clueless, “AS IF!”

My heart longs for a relationship like Edward and Bella’s, one that from the beginning is about more than meets the eye. A soul mate/Twin Flame kind of love. I feel like in our society it is all too common for us to push two lonely people together and ask them to fall in love, rather than encouraging them to hold out for something real and above average in every way. Few will come into alignment with their actual soulmate, because of this, but can you imagine if they did?

POWER COUPLES are held up in  high regard, put on a pedestal for a very good reason: Both partners love themselves before entering the relationship, therefore they are legitimately able to love one another once they meet. Anything else for either of them, falls short and simply isn’t worth the effort or energy it would take to get it off the ground, or maintain something that isn’t truly beautiful and inspirational.

They’ve had normal before. They’ve had hurtful. They’ve had burdened and abusive. They’ve had ugly and wrong. They’ve had Mr. or Mrs. Can’t love as equally or as ardently as they do, before. They are the barer’s of much love, and inspirational hearts to match one other person on this planet, their soulmate.

They’ve lived lifetimes without one another. They’ve dreamed dreams about each other since the beginning of time, never really understanding where the void in their heart stems from. They hear all the time that another person doesn’t complete them, and they know that. But the void in them would tell them that somebody out there isn’t here yet, isn’t in their arms, isn’t wearing their ring, isn’t their King to their Queen. A major part of you is missing, you sense it. When the other half of your soul is gone, you’re supposed to.

Life is great single and chasing dreams, but love will soften and enlighten. Embolden and inspire. It will break down those walls you’ve built and shatter the human illusion you once lived in. I personally would rather dream about romance, than find myself in a relationship that is made up of empty, hollow, meaningless ideas about what mere mortal love between a man and a woman is.

If it isn’t real, it isn’t good enough.

P.S. I’m actually really embarrassed about my Inner Romance Junkie, so please don’t tell anyone I wrote this. I can be violent when it’s necessary, keep that in mind.







Fairy tales and Nightmares

We are dreaming with our eyes wide open. A dream within a dream …

The Sixth Dimension belongs to creation. It’s literally the only dimension where all future realities, or made up realities, exist all at the same time. I tap into this dimension when I read people, and when I attempt to see my own path a little clearer. This is the dimension your average every day psychic taps into when he’s delivering a message about what path you’re currently on, and where that will ultimately lead you.

Nobody can see everything that is coming. And nobody, no matter how good they are, can predict the future with one hundred percent accuracy all the time, because energy is constantly flowing and changing. Evolving as surely as the people who create these realities are. What was once a fantasy, upon manifesting, can sometimes feel like a nightmare instead.

I can attest to the fact that on my spiritual journey, I’ve lost more than one created “nightmare” for my own benefit. Meaning, though it hurt, a lot in some cases, all my vibes were really saying was, “you’re no longer a match to this turnout because you actually do love yourself!” I call this “DODGING A BULLET.”

The truth is as bad as I might think I want a certain “someone” (or something) from time to time, if I allow enough time to pass I start to sense or physically find proof that they bare my demons, which is why I’m even attracted to them in the first place. As I heal I like to trust that this is all for my highest good,  that once I figure out why they’ve come into my life, I can move on to MUCH BETTER!! The realities we create when we don’t love ourselves …

In the 6th Dimension along with the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and Unicorns, exist relationships that will never bloom, babies that will never be born, and your worst fucking nightmares. Be thankful our thoughts haven’t yet reached the point of instant manifestation while we are Earthbound. Be thankful for the buffer between worlds, that is human ego, when it serves you.

I, personally, am blindfolded sometimes as I travel my path, led to believe not all possibilities are possible, and that is a benefit. Traveling a leaders path wasn’t meant to be easy, or you wouldn’t have been born with the thickness of a warriors skin.

The sky is the limit when you’re dreaming, but what if God’s dreams for you, of you, and about you, are something you can’t tap into? And what if they’re better than your fragile human mind can fathom?

Enjoy your sleep, my dear.


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