While other Spiritual Teachers continue on the path of shedding their egos, in order to be “truly spiritual”, I flounder about trying to attach myself to any memories of who I am, so that I might stay alive with a purpose.
It’s like being sucked into a whirlpool, losing every drop of individuality on this repeated and failed trip, to Oneness.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all peace, love, and oneness. I am. I also see no benefit in telling someone nothing about them truly belongs to them. None of their accomplishments matter, none of their beliefs have any truth, and nothing about them is truly special enough to brag about, because in the end we are neither above nor below anyone.
There are always two sides to a coin, ask me about any guy I’ve loved: Enlightened Buddha’s on one side, psychopaths on the other. (What does that say about me?)
And so it is with the human ego.
A soldier enters the army, wearing a gun and pride in serving his Country. He is humbled by death, by the power of his leaders, and ultimately by realizing that war is always catastrophic in the end, and everybody dies a certain kind of death in combat. However, what propelled him to serve his Country in the first place? Was it love of the land? Of the people? Probably, to a degree. It’s not hard to see that having the Ego that one is a soldier designed for combat, to achieve, to rise above and serve a higher purpose might keep this man alive while facing the worst evil known to mankind.
Confidence is EGO! If we are always supposed to be so humble, what is the point of being human? I think being humble in certain places and certain times is necessary, bow before a Master type of thing. But why be humble about things that are truly unique and amazing about yourself? Why pretend to be Vanilla when you are fucking Rocky Road?
I have hated the experience of shedding my ego. I have grieved the loss of myself over and over again, and it has kept me stuck at certain points in time. Where there is no sense of self, of your own winning individuality, there is apathy. There is no reason to go on, to live, to thrive, because as much as it matters, you now know that none of it actually even exists, therefore DOES NOT matter!
Feed the homeless, don’t feed the homeless. It’s all an illusion. Why play the game if you’re not going to actually invest yourself emotionally into PLAYING THE GAME? What sense does that make, I ask of you other Spiritual Teachers. If Oneness is the true goal, why do we begin there? What is the goal if it isn’t fading into a mass see of energy that is basically like being dead while being alive?
You SHOULD have an Ego, about some things. Those human accomplishments matter to YOU. You have every right to cling to the experience of being fully human, to lust, to cry, to hate even. It is not a role you are playing, for you are a beautiful fragment of something much bigger than you.
Humble yourself for nobody but humanity, and remain flesh and blood. We don’t need people who are ABOVE life, above suffering, above greed, above the evils of the world. We need ANGRY PEOPLE, compassionate people, people who do believe what they see in the mirror: I am here, I am human, and I serve a higher purpose while wearing my identity as Alisha Archuleta.
In this lifetime.