I wonder how long this feeling will last? Forever would be too short. I suck the nectar out of life, every drop attempting to quench the unquenchable. My life is going forward, never backwards.
I spent two glorious, moody weather filled, days in the desert. Green River is a small town located 182.3 miles south of my home town. That’s like a three hour drive, and beauty jumps out from the land at every turn along the way.
Who knew this girl was a traveler and a camper? A few years ago I was nowhere near being as found as I feel I am today. This person changes so much over the course of time, she often becomes unrecognizable to me.
The people in Green River are small town folk surrounded by picturesque views. They are kind and more than willing to share their treasure with anybody driving through. Mountain bikes hang on racks on the back of trucks, while people stop in the local shack like bar for a drink on a boys weekend getaway.
I love being surrounded by the land, and by people who are authentically alive. I feel like there is a certain type of person who is drawn to the great outdoors and athletic pursuits. I’ve never been one to play sports, but I’ve grown to love watching them. My boys are mountain bikers in the making, especially my oldest son.
Most athletes have an Orange Aura. They aren’t the kind to talk about their feelings, or really act as if they are spiritual, because they are physical people. They find their spirituality in riding, hiking, shooting guns in the desert.
I was pretty much ready to crack before we left for our trip. It was like asking me to clean one more dish, or fold one more piece of laundry, was going to push me over the edge. Real life is anything but glamorous! I couldn’t wait to get on the road, to see the earth moving as we drove past, to snap pictures of all the things that nature makes that touch my heart, and leaves me in awe of this great magnitude of beauty in a world untainted by popularity contests.
Unlike people, the land is filled with nothing but love. I can feel it’s love for me. It’s like babies and animals, if they aren’t being abused. These things have no judgement of who you are, what you do for a living, and what you feel on the inside. I didn’t pick up any “this is sacred” land vibes, nor did any none living entities find their way to my light. What I did feel is grace and dignity in mountains and desert grown flowers and cactus.
I shot a 9mm handgun for the first time, one bullet right after the other. I think I was channeling my Inner Badass. I love holding something so powerful it can kill you, in my hands, and trusting that whatever happens is for the best. I can’t claim to be any great shot yet, my name is not Dead Shot, but I wasn’t going to let the opportunity to hold a real weapon in my hands slip by.
If you slow down the moment, you can feel the heaviness of the gun in your hands. It’s heavier than you think. And you can sense yourself moving in slow motion, but it’s a new experience, so everything seems to be going so fast. As you squeeze the trigger, the sheer velocity of the weapon is unleashed. The earmuffs muffle the sound, but your heart is directly aligned with each bullet. The way that bullet feels whizzing out of the barrel is sort of indescribable.
I suppose the real feeling I’m trying to describe, is fearlessness.
I’m a Violet, Indigo, Crystal Aura, so I spend a lot of time thinking, analyzing, daydreaming, and writing about my innermost thoughts. I love coming into alignment temporarily with others who are nothing like me. I used to fear it, as someone like me (Anxious Attachment Style) is always searching for deep and authentic connection, but that contrast is much needed. I guess that’s why they say “opposites attract”.
The power of play is underrated. I play all day, every chance I get, even if it’s at home cleaning. Life isn’t waiting for you to start living it, it is passing you by while you pretend to live it.
In contrast, coming from the well of deep inner wisdom that is mine as an ancient violet/Indigo/Crystal aura, I was using a fake orange vibration to write the first part of this blog entry: When I hold a gun in my hands, I wonder how J. pulled the trigger. I wonder what his last thoughts were, and if he would always remember me as a friend. I wonder how he left it all behind, his girls, the future, what could be … Any chance of finding that which would bring him joy, and give his life the meaning he craved.
I think the greatest glory of all time will be ending up old, wrinkled, and full of stories about my normal, everyday, adventures.
My advice to suicidal people, having spent a lot of time there, isn’t just to play, but to play in new ways, or ways that YOU don’t normally play. Orange aura’s could benefit from facing themselves spiritually, rather than ONLY chasing themselves via extreme living. The same way I benefit from my willingness to connect to aura’s that challenge me to get out of my comfort zone.
Never underestimate the power of jumping out of your comfort zone, by playing with what is right in front of you. Even if it scares the shit out of you.