A Walk Down Memory Lane

Few people recall their past lives. I’ve had a few surface over the years in vivid detail, some of it gruesome and horrifying. Some tragic and romantic. And some rather disappointing. You can’t be “someone” worth writing about in EVERY lifetime, you know?

When people ask me what I do for a living … I wish I could recount every single past life for them, instead of just saying “I’m mommin’ hard right now.”

I’m tired. I’m ancient. Please shut the fuck up.

I don’t have to impress you …

YOUNG HOLLYWOOD: I spent a lifetime, my most recent lifetime in fact, as a poor starving actress in the forties. My life ended tragically at the age of 22. I never made it to the big screen, though several of my peers did, and are remembered as legends of their time. I ran with a group in young Hollywood, back when glamour and sex kittens were the thing.

I was a raven haired beauty with blue eyes, and I liked to wear the color black. There are so many details about this life I could share, but maybe I’ll save a few for one of the eight books I’m told I’ll write in my current lifetime.

Long story short, my poor little small town girl life was taken by a psychotic maniac, who did unthinkable, unimaginable things to me before he ultimately murdered me. The reason I was given clues to this tragic lifetime is because this man still haunts me. I believe I’ve bumped into him accidentally in this current lifetime and had an adverse reaction to him, without knowing why at the time.

I’d seen this actress’s picture before, but never thought “that was me.”

SERENE AND ISHKA: I had trouble pronouncing the name at first, because it’s not one I’ve ever heard before – Serene (pronounced like it’s spelled.) This is a tragic love story that took place during the era of slavery. Serene was a rich white girl of fourteen who fell in love with her fathers young help, Ishka.

Ishka made me smile, he made me laugh. He loved my fiery spirit, despite my princess attitude many others had become accustomed to ignoring, but respecting because of who my father was. He was a man of great importance, but a kind man. Ishka would run around the tree and peek out from behind it, making me burst into laughter. I remember twirling in circles, watching my dress float around me, while he watched with amusement and love.

Ishka was a tall, thin, black man with kind eyes and a kinder heart. He wasn’t much older, perhaps only seventeen, when the relationship began. My father ultimately found out and the relationship was put to an end. I was heartbroken.

I remember (as Serene) feeling like it was the end of the world. I stood in my bedroom in front of the window, sobbing. I had a blue dress on. It felt as though the whole world matched that dress. The sky was blue, my heart was blue … I decided I couldn’t live without my lover, and made up my mind to convince him to run away with me, not knowing that one of us wouldn’t survive.

We left one night, but someone found out. The details are chaotic. I remember running through the woods, finding my way in the moonlight, following Ishka. We were terrified as men on horses chased us, and shots begin to ring out in the dark. They flew above our heads. I could hear them hitting the trees as we ran.

I lost Ishka.

I fell into a body of deep water, and drowned. My full skirt dress held me down. My body was found the next day. My father was devastated. He had loved me so much, and given me such a good life. He’d spoiled me with pretty dresses. I’d been his pride and joy, and I felt awful for hurting him.

In that lifetime I knew privilege. Unless you understand that some people don’t ever know privilege, you are ignorant to the fact that being rich and white and young, is still very much a privilege in today’s society.

That was an easy life in many ways.

I was treated like a princess. I was never questioned, never insulted, never made fun of. I was right in every way in that body, with that amount of luxury at my beck and call.

I have wondered if the reason this past life memory surfaced is so that I would understand that I opted into the exact opposite circumstances in this lifetime, for the ultimate evolution of my soul.

SALEM: My grandma and I visited Salem Utah one afternoon. As she napped in the sun, I walked by the water.

It was then that the visions of a lifetime I spent as a five year old little girl to a single father, in Utah, came up. I had been at the lake with my father when he’d become distracted in his loneliness by a beautiful woman. As he stared at her, much to her discomfort, I wandered off and fell into the deep water. I drowned that afternoon.

Completely tragic and preventable as fuck.


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