Dancing With Diva

My dating life. My sex life. My love life. These are all things that are pretty much put on hold for now, until I figure my real life out.

Would you believe me if I told you I have the worst “taste” in men? Something tells me you would.

And I can’t blame myself.

I can’t take fault in chasing my core wounds all over the planet, can I? Somebody else once planted the seeds that have shown me through the projector screen that is my perspective, what love should feel like. It doesn’t help that that person was highly abusive in every way, or that he was pretty much the most hurtful person I’ve ever met. It’s not a choice whom we love, but it is a choice whether or not we chase them.

I’ll let you run. I can’t do hurtful anymore. It isn’t love. This post isn’t meant to bash anyone, or blame anyone, other than nature.

Core wounds are seeds that are planted in our psyche by older people in life, when we are still young and impressionable. We can’t help but believe what we are told in the face of never having had a different experience to compare it to, and so it is we often call attachment, or other unhealthy bonds, love. And I’m not about that life anymore. I can’t watch two unhealthy people fall in love,  neglect their lives, and call it a “soulmate”.

Your soulmate would add to your life, trust me. I’ve been having a very unique experience: THE TWIN FLAME experience.

Five years ago my energy lined up with someone I felt strongly about for no reason. I assumed, being me, it meant he was The One. He was far from The One, and we haven’t spoken in years. The hard part was having visions of us sitting on a beach together, or of him holding our unborn daughter, and then not having this relationship come to full fruition. I guess in all honesty, you could compare it to losing a child, even though I’d never actually held her in my arms. I saw her.

It took me a very long time to heal from that experience. In the meantime I kept lining up with other men who weren’t meant for me, but to be part of my healing journey.

The mirror isn’t always kind. The mirror often lies, and tells you “this is the best you can expect.” I don’t believe that though. My dances with the energy of men I don’t know, and men I do from time to time, are over. I no longer reach out to them as if they can complete me. Anything they have to offer me, exists within me already.

I am whole on my own.

This makes leaving easier. This makes bad behavior less acceptable. This makes forgiveness possible. These men hurt me, but in a way they have healed me too. I can’t hate them for that.

Dancing with them has been humorous, unedited, crazy, and painful.

Dancing with Diva is that way.

The mirror doesn’t care to show you anything other than your wounds. It is only once you’ve healed these wounds that you are able to change your point of attraction and bring forth a true King to dance with the Diva too.

Never stop never stopping. 😉

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