Combat Angel

Once you begin to Awaken, you learn that the only acceptable way to be in spirituality is “above life”, not right in the chaos that is the daily grind. It’s like a Mean Girl world all in it’s own way. You have your ultra popular group of spiritual leaders who only reveal the positive aspects of themselves and their teachings, therefore sparking false idolization in their followers. And then you have that weird blue haired chick with a lot to say, good, bad, and everything in between, who never gains a following, because guess what, she’s the real deal.

I was at a gallery stroll one evening ( I hadn’t had any of the wine, mind you. Being sober is not as exciting as being fucked up, but it’s healthier, so) … Anyway, my cousin and I met a woman who had just been to India. She was a scientist and she was explaining the difference between people here and people there. The people I’ve met who came from India, seem to possess an innate sense of spirituality that has been lost on the western civilization. I kept trying to get her to admit that the people in India are more spiritual, but as a scientist, she didn’t like the use of the word “spiritual”.

The problem in America is not the president we elected, it’s the fact that most people here are still simply asleep at the wheel. We buy into one kind of beauty. We argue about which religion is right, because only one can be right to an unawakened society. We praise one line of work over another. And my all time favorite, we shame the poor for being kept in cages meant for them since the beginning of time.

We are asleep.

I sometimes feel as if I’ve awoken in a large tomb, surrounded by other coffins. In those coffins some people are beginning to stir, others are sitting, rubbing the sleep from their eyes, others are falling back to sleep. I sit and I stare into darkness … and I’m afraid to be alone, like when I was a little girl and everything about me was wrong.

I’ve met spiritual leader after spiritual leader, who will insist that my lack of abiding by the rules is wrong. They think quoting positivity ONLY is actually going to heal people!

My friend Justin is a perfect example of someone who took his life because he couldn’t compare to his ultra spiritual surroundings. Some may argue the reasons he did were vastly different, but they don’t know his energy the way I do. They couldn’t sense how tired he was of being shamed for being human.

I could climb a ladder with my eyes closed, and lead people through a dark tunnel without a flashlight. This is my life. This is what I was born to do. I didn’t put in thirty three years of Gods work to serve those who insist enlightenment will be their saving grace, as long as it looks good on paper.

God creates whom he creates for reasons a lot of people don’t understand.

I am no longer asking permission to be labeled a spiritual teacher, because I went to school in the heart of the emotional ghetto for over three decades. I qualify myself.

If your hands aren’t dirty, you’re not doing it right.



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